

What makes me laugh, on the other hand, is playing a Fortnite-meets-Home Alone take on hide-and-seek in a server inspired by the 1990 hit film. Which makes me feel a wee bit uncomfortable in real life. It's not the most glamorous of jobs, but I'm good at it.

Once shy around the workplace, I'm now loud-mouthed and assured, institutionalised and ordering lesser-qualified staff to sweep the floors of the fallen, and serve surviving contestants with bottled water and a single boiled egg once per day. And so I've now burned enough corpses to justify a promotion to Squid Game guard supervisor.
